Dear Ashley,
I remember the day you were born and how excited I was to be a Mom. At 7:17 a.m. on October 14, 2002 I held you in my arms and fell in love with you in an instant. Even as a newborn, sweetness radiated from you. You were beautiful. Many people commented how you were one of the most beautiful babies they had ever seen. You were such a good, content, happy baby too!
Your first birthday we celebrated in Carlsbad, CA. We spent the day on the beach playing and then had a birthday party that night with the Calton side of the family that was with us and the Ords. I made you carrot cake, you liked the frosting and had it all over your mouth! I remember you wore your purple striped p.j.'s that night (which Alice wore last night on your birthday).
On your second birthday we were babysitting your cousins, the Reese's. I made you a chocolate cake that was really yummy. We had a few presents there for you and then we had a little party with the Calton side within the next few days, and also had a little joint party with your cousin Sydney on the Peterson side around that time too.
I cherish the memories of your 3rd birthday. We woke up and you and me went to Wheeler Farm. We fed the ducks and went around and looked at all the animals. We took our time and just had fun together. Then we went over to Uncle Richard and Aunt Jill's new pool. You and your cousin Jane swam for a little bit. It was a little cool outside but the pool was warm! We had so much fun. Then we had a fun 'Pink Party' and invited some of your friends and cousins. Everyone wore pink and we played games.
Your 4th birthday was really fun and special too. We went to build-a-bear for the first time. Daddy got to come with us. You picked out the Hello Kitty, and a pink ballerina dress & shoes, and Hello Kitty p.j.'s for her to wear. You loved her so much. Then that night we had a birthday party for you at The Little Gym. You loved your gymnastics classes there and were so excited for your party. It was so fun. Lots of your friends and cousins came. I remember you looking beautiful in your pink and brown, your favorite combo!
I remember hoping we could have a birthday party when you turned 5. The chemo you were taking at the time really lowered your immune system. We were lucky enough for it to be just high enough that we could have all your friends that were healthy come. Your were so excited. It was a last minute party and you helped me plan it and go shopping for it. We had a Halloween Birthday Party. All your friends came dressed up in their Halloween costumes. You were so excited to see all your friends. You missed the friends that couldn't make it. I will never forget when I told you that before you blew out your candles you needed to make a wish. This was your wish 'I wish that.... that I love all my friends.' You asked nothing for yourself, you were just so excited to be with your friends that you loved and still love so much. This says so much about the kind of little girl you were. You told me for weeks prior to your birthday that you wanted a rainbow cake and no bake cookies on your birthday. I didn't make no bakes and you were sad and a little mad, but forgave me quickly. We will always have no bakes on your birthday now!
I got a card from Lynn Ross last week (the brain tumor cordinator at PCMC). She remembered us checking your counts last year before your 5th birthday to see if they were high enough for a party. She said in the card that 'Birthdays should always be celebrated.' This stuck out to me. I have been so sad and emotional the past few weeks thinking about your 6th birthday coming up. Even though you are in Heaven now, I knew I needed to try and think of your 6th birthday as a celebration. So here is how we celebrated it.
Yesterday for your 6th birthday, Mommy and Daddy were so sad. We miss you so much. I wish you could have come for just one day and celebrated with us. Daddy and I spent the morning at the temple. We felt a lot of peace there and knew you were close. Then Grandma Calton and Aunt Lynette took me to lunch while Daddy went to work. They wanted to keep me busy because they new this day was going to be hard for me. Then Grandma and I went and got some flowers and balloons to take to the cemetery. Your balloons consisted of a princess balloon with 6 princesses on it for your 6th birthday, then 6 other balloons, a big princess crown, one that said happy birthday princess, hello kitty, my little pony, strawberry shortcake, & barbie, all of which I know were some of your favorite things. Grandma stayed with me the whole afternoon helping me. Then we met all our family at the cemetery. All your cousins sang happy birthday to you and sent pink balloons into the air. Then each cousin put their wooden flower that they each decorated into your flower pot. Some of your friends dropped by earlier in the day and left a little something by your headstone. (Side note: I have to get this off my chest so I am not angry anymore, I went back the the cemetery today, only 18 hours after we had been there the night before, and someone had cut off more that 1/2 of your roses, and stolen all your helium balloons, Mommy was really really angry and sad, but I tried to tell myself that you wouldn't care and would probably just say, 'Well they obviously needed them more than I did.' But still this is very very wrong). Then all our family and your friend Elle came over for pistachio cake and ice cream and of course no bake cookies. Daddy showed some videos of you. Everyone loved them. So many people remembered your birthday. Faith and Brooke's mom made huge signs with your picture on them that said 'Happy Birthday Ashley, We miss you.' Their was one at our house and two others at the entrance to the neighborhood. So many others called, e-mailed and brought things by. We have so many people who love us. (Thanks to everyone for all you did to make our day a little easier, it meant more than you will ever know).
HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY ASHLEY! WE LOVE YOU! WE LOVE YOU! WE LOVE YOU! AND MISS YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS!
THANKS FOR BEING OUR PRINCESS!
-WITH ALL MY LOVE - MOMMY
P.S. Birthday Links
Also if you click on my sister's blog their are some cute pictures of Ash and her cousin Hannah their blog is utahgearys.blogspot.com, or click on Brad & Lynette under my family blog section, and if you click on my brother's blog Tim & Suzanne there is a cute post about Ash as well chinacaltons.blogspot.com
